The 10 Worst Films of 2019

by Elijah de Castro

10. The King (David Michôd)

Courtesy of Netflix

Miscalculated, clumsy, and perhaps most importantly miscast, “The King” is the kind of bad movie that doesn’t insult, but puzzles. How did talented actors like Robert Pattinson and Timothée Chalamet get attached to this kind of story? Poorly presented, gruesomely lengthy, and awkwardly acted, “The King” shoots for the stars and misses almost every mark.

9. Godzilla: King of the Monsters (Michael Dougherty)

Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures

“Godzilla: King of the Monsters” is the unworthy sequel to Gareth Edwards’ 2014 science fiction B-movie remake, “Godzilla”. Loud, senseless, and bloated, the film does little to distinguish itself from a slew of trivial big budget, watered down blockbusters. For a film with such an iconic monster attached to it, it is remarkable how little substance it was able to create.

8. Escape Room (Adam Robitel)

Courtesy of Sony Pictures Releasing

Similar to “The Purge”, “Downsizing”, or “A Quiet Place”, “Escape Room” is yet another high concept film that fails to explore its premise in any creative way. However, the aforementioned films are simple failures, mere disappointments that vary in value. “Escape Room” has given up from the start. If there were a film of the year with such routinely insufferable characters, “Escape Room” would be it. Everything the film aims at is surface level, leaving behind yet another waste of a great premise.

7. Glass (M. Night Shyamalan)

Courtesy of Universal Pictures

Critically lauded and despised director M. Night Shyamalan returns to his dark ages after the seemingly career redefining success of “Split”. However, “Glass” is in no way similar to his infamous bad movies like “The Happening”, “Lady in The Water”, or “The Last Airbender”. “Glass” is a hint into new era of bad M. Night Shyamalan films. Ones that aren’t loveably incompetent, but tell their ridiculous story with a cynically pretentious approach.

6. Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark (André Øvredal)

Courtesy of Lionsgate

“Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark” is the inevitable film riding off the popularity of “It” and “Stranger Things”. The swathe of cliches are not charming or charismatic, nor are they done with any level of self-aware nuance. The film satisfies everything on the checklist to make and sell a film of this ilk; except forgetting the anecdotal perspective that makes the things it rips off special.

5. Once Upon a Time in Deadwood (Rene Perez)

Courtesy of Uncork’d Entertainment

If a glitchy computer bot were given Sergio Leone’s 1968 masterpiece “Once Upon a Time in The West” and was told to create its own version as quickly as possible, “Once Upon a Time in Deadwood” would likely be the result. Cheap, silly, and nonsensical, “Once Upon a Time in Deadwood” has no comprehension of the story its telling. However, the film’s complete ineptitude to have any level of humanity in its storytelling has some level of dysfunctional charm to it, but of course, this is unintended. A great so bad its good film, and an embarrassing western, complete with a Charles Bronson rip-off.

4. The Silence (John R. Leonetti)

Courtesy of Netflix

Similarly to “Scary Stories to Tell In The Dark”, “The Silence” is yet another appalling horror film capitalizing off of the success of more financially successful creature features. A carbon copy of “A Quiet Place” and “Bird Box”, “The Silence” isn’t just a bad film, it is a film that offers a viewing experience so frustrating and heinous, that it should not be seen, even on unintentional levels.

3. The Fanatic (Fred Durst)

Courtesy of Quiver Distribution

Here we have a film that is so transcendent and so fantastic in its success at failing, it has almost created its own existence outside the quality of normal films. “The Fanatic” is like the ace in a deck of cards. It is simultaneously a bad film and a great film. It is the reflection of an actor so incompetent and so successful, his performance is impossible to comprehend.

2. Cats (Tom Hooper)

Courtesy of Universal Pictures

It’s like Tom Hooper took a reel of film that had filmed the successful Broadway musical “Cats”, went to Chernobyl, dipped the reel in radioactive material, let it mutate for a decade, and released it in theaters. It’s like seeing something that is off limits, that shouldn’t be allowed to be seen, that should be censored by the government as a safety concern. Watching “Cats” is such a distressing experience, that many after the film will reflect on their life as “life before ‘Cats'” and “life after ‘Cats'”.

1. The Lion King (Jon Favreau)

Courtesy of Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

On paper “Cats” should be the worst film of the year. And looking technically at it, it is the worst film of the year. However, the production and creation behind “Cats” is much less sinister than “The Lion King”. “The Lion King” is a film so insulting, braindead, and offensive to the artists behind the original 1994 film, it owes them an apology. “The Lion King” openly hates its audience. It sits back with a cigar hanging out of its mouth and maniacally laughs as it counts through its 1.657 billion dollar stack of cash. It is a film so soulless and devoid of artistic expression, it leads to an uncertain future in the entertainment industry.

One comment

  1. Great list.

    The Lion King remake is worse than Cats? Oh, snap! HAHAHAHAHAHA! That was a very good description. Seriously, Disney should be ashamed of themselves for making a “live action” remake of a movie with no human characters. The Lion King is a franchise built on cultural appropriation and plagiarism since they stole several things from the 60s anime Kimba the White Lion, trademarked “Hakuna Matata” (how respectful to the Swahili-speaking public! NOT!), stole “Mbube” with it’s plagiarized clone “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, and even Beyonce got in on the thievery by ripping off Petite Noir’s La Maison Noir long-form video to make her video for “Spirit” for the remake.

    This is pure hubris and thank you for calling out Disney!

    Like

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